in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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