Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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