1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize