Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
