you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
