Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize