so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
