I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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