is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
