I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
