But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
