I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
