Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
