There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
