using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize