So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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