The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
