I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
