just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
