Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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