shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
