I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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