i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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