My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
