im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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