I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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