There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize