Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
