my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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