I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
