"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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