Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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