Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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