Sry I called you an 8
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
