she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize