I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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