This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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