Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
