i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
