If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
