Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
