white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I want a musical about memes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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