She's JV to your varsity
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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