i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
