you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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