Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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