She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
