Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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