I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
