I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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