God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
