In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
