just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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