So drunk its hurt
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just found puke in my bra..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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