Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
