not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
