So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
