I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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