i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize