sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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