I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
