yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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