i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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