No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
