I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
