I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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