i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
