I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
