My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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