Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize