I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
